By Adrienne Engel, LMT, SEP
When I started my career, my goal was to become the best massage therapist by learning many modalities to help others reduce pain and improve function. Thirty-one years later, I have a long list of techniques and skills to offer for healing results. Last week, during somatic awareness practice, I heard God’s quiet voice ask, “Adrienne, how often do you offer these skills to yourself?”
I paused. I thought about years of output and laughed at this blind spot. I see other massage therapists 1-2 times a month, practice daily somatic integration, yet I have NEVER booked myself for a session.
God’s quiet voice urged me: book myself for the last session each week, during working hours. Consistently and literally offer myself a session when I would normally be earning. I schedule 14 hours weekly with paying clients, so giving myself the last session cuts my income by $500 monthly. Am I worth this investment?
God gave me a quiet, powerful challenge, and I accepted—or tried to. Some may wonder how I could work on my own back. I thought the same.
I realized there are only a few spots I can’t reach by hand, but I can reach them with movement, percussion, props, or hot and cold packs. There are many options.
To meet this challenge, I had to book my appointments. This was harder than expected—saying no to others and yes to myself.
It was a rocky start. On my first self-session, a longtime client needed a last-minute slot. I thought, easy, I’ll use my 4:00 Saturday slot. I put myself on the back burner. After the session, I walked him out and realized how tired I was—it was my usual quitting time, and I’d used all my energy. On day one, I failed my challenge.
Still determined, I wanted to strengthen my capacity to receive care. The next morning was Sunday, and before anything else, I sat in the client chair in my home office. I asked myself what I felt and wanted to focus on. It felt strange; I went blank, stunned by the disconnect. I wasn’t used to the therapist’s focus on myself. After 20 minutes, nothing came. In my head, I thought, “I’m fine, this is ridiculous!” I got up and went to get some water.
I then refocused and took my time getting situated. I actually pulled up my SOAP notes app and entered myself as a client. As I sat in my chair, I noticed I was feeling pain in my head from an old injury, and it came to me what I would offer myself if I were the paying client. So I did.
Surprisingly, I spent three hours slowing down—applying essential oils to my scalp, head, and neck, using hot towels, doing positional release and movement, practicing connected breathing, and using gentle cranial holds until I felt shifts. I let go of time limits, practiced somatic integration for pain, and added a 30-minute rest at the end.
It showed me how I put myself last, even though I do self-care and see others for therapy. I realized I could turn the gentleness I give to others back to myself, like a personal tithe. Some things only you can give yourself—your skill, your insight, your listening—returning that to yourself completes a sacred loop.
It’s a radical request to build capacity for radical receptivity and become my own best client. I know this will be a learning curve, and I’m excited to try it for a year to see where it leads. Will it be worth more than the $500 I’d earn filling those slots? It’s time to find out.
I invite you to try this challenge and build the habit of radical self-support, rest, and renewal. Your future self will thank you. Now, when clients ask, “Who do you see for a massage?” I can honestly say I see myself, and I highly recommend her!
