by Michael Broas
I am standing at my massage table, laying my hands on a man about my age, who is also a veteran of the same war that I was in, but with a very major difference; He was in the North Vietnamese Army, my former enemy, who I tried to kill and who tried to kill me. I notice a scar near his scapula that looks as if it might be a bullet wound, so I 
call over an interpreter to ask him about the scar. He laughs and says, yes, that is one of his scars and yes, he did get shot. I ask him where he was in Viet Nam when this happened and he replies that he was in Pleiku in the Central Highlands of Viet Nam, which happens to be where I served in 1969-70. I ask him when he was shot and he states that it was sometime around Christmas in 1969. I get a tingly sensation in my body, as I was in a large firefight, one that I will never forget, on December 22nd, 1969. I communicate this to this man, and he looks up with a huge smile and says “Isn’t that so funny, that both of us didn’t kill each other and are here now to be happy together? We can now love and make peace! “ In that moment for me, the past crashes into the present, bringing with it a soothing salve on a bitter and terrifying memory.
On December 22nd, 1969, 16 days after arriving in Viet Nam, my platoon pulled into an open meadow in Central Highlands of Viet Nam in preparation to stay the night. I remember thinking when we started to clear our perimeter that this sure doesn’t feel like a safe place, surrounded on all sides by steep, jungle covered mountains. Yet I was an FNG, or F*&%ing New Guy, so what did I know? In that late evening, my instincts proved to be right. Before bedding down for the night, the common practice was to dig a hole to sleep in, just deep enough to get the body at ground level (otherwise know as “digging your own grave”). I had to stand watch in a couple hours, so I slept in my sleeping bag on top of my vehicle. I was soon startled awake to the cracking of small arms fire, explosions all around me, then men yelling, with one voice crying for a medic. Frantically, I manned my M-60 machine gun and began firing it until the barrel was glowing red. The next few minutes lasted a lifetime. As the firing finally started to lessen and after giving first aid to one of my squad members, our lieutenant came by to check on any injuries. He informed us that our platoon had two dead and several injuries, some severe. For the remainder of that night, we were on full guard duty, waiting for a daylight that would bring a chopper to transport the dead and wounded. The night was filled with a terror-filled silence, only interrupted by the moaning of the injured…
I recently returned from my fourth trip back to Viet Nam, after initially being there in 1969-70. I returned for the first time in 2007, traveling with 12 others, including my dear wife Valerie. The trip was organized and led by Dr. Ed Tick, author of “War and the Soul”, a book that deeply impacted my understanding of the effects of war on an individual. That first time going back was a very remarkable trip for me, filled with both trepidation and hope. I experienced the amazing sweetness of the Vietnamese people, as well as the beauty of the land, only this time without the terror and confusion that had been such a constant companion in the war so long ago.
I went back to Viet Nam again in 2008 with the intention of doing a vision quest, which is a whole other story in itself. After the first trip, my head had cleared somewhat and I wanted to be more in the present and not so affected by the past. During those first two trips, I had experienced more healing than I thought possible. I had an entirely new set of very pleasant memories to overlay the disturbing ones that I had carried for so long since the war. I was a changed man and experienced a lightness of being that I hadn’t felt since I was in my teens.
I thought that I was done with going to back to Viet Nam. Then in January of 2013, I received a call from John Fisher, a friend and fellow Viet Nam veteran. I had met John in 2007, when I participated in a retreat hosted by Soldiers Heart, the organization founded by Ed Tick. I had kept in touch with John since then and knew that he had been back to Viet Nam several times. John is a chiropractor and in recent years has organized clinics in various cities in Viet Nam. He asked me if I would be interested in going with him as a bodyworker and helping out in the clinics. The thought of taking my current profession to Viet Nam and being with and touching the Vietnamese people in that way moved me very deeply. So in March of 2013, I was once again off to Viet Nam and was deeply affected by the experience. I was offered the opportunity to return once again this year, and through a very generous donation from a friend, Valerie was able to return with me.
We began our journey in Hanoi in the north and worked our way south, and finally returning home from Ho Chi Minh City. In the fifteen days that we were there, we visited five cities, several Buddhist temples and pagodas, and other religious sites. We also visited a couple of remote villages, some previous battle sites from the war, as well as the War Remnants museum in Ho Chi Minh City (formerly called the American Atrocities Museum). We offered free clinics along the way, beginning with a visit to Friendship Village near Hanoi, which is a rehabilitation and education center primarily for children and families affected by the more that 20 million gallons of Agent Orange which was used by our government as a defoliant in many areas of the country. (This toxic blend of chemicals contained Dioxin, one of the deadliest substances known to man, and to this day is still responsible for a wide range of severe birth defects in Viet Nam, with some estimates as high as 40,000 newborns per year). Friendship Village also hosts a number of North Vietnamese Army veterans, who can stay and receive care for 2-3 weeks. It was here that I had the experience that began this article.
